I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize