Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Less talking, more tequila
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he just fucked me for my cheese..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
