Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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