If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
