angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
