you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
