Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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