I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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