What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
