You smell like a Billy Joel song
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
