You just made me feel so damn special
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
