My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
