nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
