Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
