best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
