I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize