so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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