Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
