It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
