Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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