I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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