you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize