Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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