I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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