I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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