I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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