my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
