Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
