Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize