My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
