My underwear smells like fireworks.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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