It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
