Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
