So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize