You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
