Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
