Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
