im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
