How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
