Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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