dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
