Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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