First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
