He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
