Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
