NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize