I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
