I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
