omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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