we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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