I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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