I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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