I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize