2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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