my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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