that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
