He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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