just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize