Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
