Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
