She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
