I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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