I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
