I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
