I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
