Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
