She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
